The past day I've been doing a lot of thinking. What makes someone a good friend? Better yet, what are the criteria for someone to be given the title "friend"? How do I show my friends that I love them and cherish them?
One of my dearest friends lives back in Virginia. Being on the opposite coast, we don't get to spend time together... but I still cherish our friendship... but what is it about our friendship that makes it so special? I finally figured out the answer. Our friendship can be described in one word: blessing. She's a woman who views her actions in terms of blessing. Is this a blessing on my marriage? Is this a blessing on my husband? Will this bless my friend? I love that about her and as I've tried to start changing my thought process to that, I've been amazed at what God has revealed to me. When we seek to bestow Christ's love and favor and encourage someone... how could it not results in great things?!?
So what brought this up? Over the past year, I've struggled with discerning who my genuine friends are. Just over a year ago we experienced our first miscarriage. We were devastated but the lingering hurt came from the hurtful/poorly chosen words of friends. It took me a long time to truly forgive but the Lord is mighty. Then 4 months ago we experienced our second miscarriage. We turned to the Fellowship Group we were leading for support and encouragement. Our grief was great and we need our friends to come along side. Instead, they avoided us me. It was the day after the D&C, I didn't know up from down... so I went to our group meeting... and I cried for 5 hours after we got home. This was a group that we had poured our hearts into for the last year but when we turned to them for encouragement and love... there was little. After that night we made the decision to leave the group. My husband did meet with the group and tell them the reason we were leaving... but we never heard from anyone. Over the next few months, a few people eventually called but it was as if nothing had ever happened. I was still going through the lingering physical effects of the miscarraige... I felt like all the emotions I was feeling were invalidated.
I've been blessed as God has revealed to me who my true friends are. These are friends that have spoken God's promises over me, who have reminded me of His faithfulness and love, who have prayed faithfully for us, and sought to be a blessing on us. I can't describe how amazing it is to have friends who seek to be a blessing!! I can't describe the joy in my heart when they remind me of God's promises.
By now you must be wondering what brought all this on. One of the ladies in the group called and wanted to get together. She felt that we were mad at them and was insistent that we meet to discuss what was wrong. So we went... and I wish I hadn't. While I'm sure she thought she was being a friend, her words stung and were insulting. It was a day that was anything but a blessing. There was no encouragement, just poorly chosen words that hurt. I finally felt like I had gotten out of the pit that I fell in with the last miscarriage, only to be pushed back in yesterday.
I struggled having a heart of worship and receiving God's word today... because my heart is hurt. Through the past year the Lord has shown me what a friend is... and I can only pray that I'm a better friend because of this hurt. A friend is someone who is a blessing. So how can you bless one of your friends today? How can you encourage them and remind them of God's faithfulness???
Park City Utah
2 years ago
3 comments:
so sorry for your hurt. You are right, a true friend is a blessing. I only have a few true friends, and they do not live near me, my best friend moved to another country, I feel lonely often.
I had a revelation of sorts after going through a hard pregnancy and not being treated with any compassion by a group I was a part of...it was months later, I was reading a commentary on the Sermon on the Mount, and the author made the statement that we need to be strict (have high expectations of morality) with ourselves...but have compassion and grace towards others. I realized that was what had been missing in the group I was in, any Grace. I try hard now to give the grace.
much grace and peace to you this week.
Jen, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to walk this road of grief w/o good support. I totally know what you mean by "friends" avoiding you or saying the wrong thing. Same thing happened to us with our 3rd miscarriage. It made it so hard on me. I will be praying for you and that God will lead you to the right friends, ones that can understand what you are going though, ones that speak truth & grace, ones that are blessings. Wish you all still lived here so we could talk in person!!
dear jenn...i know we 'chatted a little while back' via fb but please know that I have been praying for you & Justin during this difficult time. wish i lived closer to just stop by with some coffee and give you a big hug! you are loved.
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